If you’re gonna make my life miserable and push me to do
something stupid, at least read my blog.
I’ve cried and begged them to stop and support me.
I fight to stay clean, but even when I am clean they still abuse and traumatise me.
When your own family do that, it’s not hard to see why I do what I do. At least I get a brief respite from the pain they cause
Note to self... My phone has died and I can't find my flipping memory stick..
ReplyDeleteJournal 02/07/18
I've been a bad girl. A very bad girl. I've done someone who I shouldn't have done. One of my candidates from my last job. Sheesh, I can't even post this entry for sometime.
So, I had this guy, who I went above and beyond to help. And unlike every other male candidate, this guy did not flirt in the slightest.
Even when he got a job, and there's me hugging this dude, and boy, all I got was three pats on the back.
He's clearly got Asperger. Like with my ADHD, unless you were really fucked up, this sort of thing wasn't picked up. I only came to that conclusion when the guy got a job and was telling me exactly how many miles he would ride in which direction to his new job.
And then the lack of eye contact clicked and I came to the said conclusion. Anyway, he stops attending, I leave my job and then I needed to get the hole in the bathroom floor fixed. So I asked my guy to help me.
And I didn't even jump on him when he came to fix the floor. I mentioned something about getting off to porn the night before and, with his back to me, the guy says 'Oh wow!'
I was trying to get him to drive me to Devon, and on Sunday he didn't answer my call, so Monday I emailed him and said I wouldn't force him to drive me and I only asked coz I kinda liked him.
He replied to that, but only saying hello. So I questioned if he read my previous email. I'm not being big headed, but when I say I like a guy, I don't generally have to do any more running. I even sent another email asking if he was in to girls.
Turns out he is.. And he wanted to 'jump me'. So queue me spending the whole of last week being a total nympho. Finally got a good seeing to on Thursday and I went back Saturday.
But.... Have I had a huge reality hit!! Kinda hurts a bit. Coz despite the fact I busted my ass for this dude in my last job, clearly proving I was a nice person, as I was helping him, when no one else gave him the time of day, and not only that, I was going well above and beyond the remit of my role, as soon as I was congruent about my past, that was enough for him to make it clear he wanted to run a mile.
So... There really isn't much hope for me it there. It would appear, no matter how much I try to write the wrongs of my past, as soon as people find out about it, they're gonna drop me.
I mean, I know I'm a piece of shit, otherwise my family wouldn't be abusing me like they are... But boy! This made it hit home.
And, I'm soooooo fucking horny for dick at the moment. Black dick, coz I don't do none black guys.
Mr X has mentioned he thinks I'm hot, so I'm guessing I'll go and get a ride there.
Life is not fair. I could have blow this guy's mind. I would have fulfilled every sexual fantasy he could have ever imagined.
Swear he almost shot his load when I told him I liked eating pussy.
This comment better not post!